Alrighty then! So, I've just been to see the new Twilight film entitled "New Moon" and since I went solo, I've decided to try doing my obligatory critque here instead of to my imaginary friends(you guys are real, right?)

First things first: SPOILERS! And really, if I needed to tell you that..well, I shouldn't need to tell you that.

Second: I am not a Twilight fan, per se. I have read the books. I did enjoy them. But, they are not great books(for a professional author). I felt like it was the sort of material that I enjoy perusing over on Fanfiction.net on a lazy, rainy Sunday afternoon. I was entertained, but I had no desire to add them to my favorites.

On to the theatrical version of the second book in the series, appropriately called "New Moon." Oh, and one more note...this critique is intended for folks who have already seen the film. I'm not going to spend an unecessary amount of time explaining who is what and why. I assume you're already familiar with the source material.

For those looking for the bottom line, I found "New Moon" to make the best of a mediocre book. I actually felt that it was better than the book in many respects, namely that I was able to relate to Bella more easily(which isn't saying much, because I didn't think I'd ever be able to relate to her at all, so that's worth points). The acting and special effects are uneven; there are genuine moments where it really works, and other moments where /facepalm is the only sane response. More on this later. It's a good guilty pleasure film and since that was my goal tonight, I feel that the film is worth the price of admission.

More specifically:

Special effects: The werewolves were pretty hit and miss. Sam Uley's(in wolf form) first entrance scene did not impress me at all-- it seemed rushed and was obviously CGI. However, some of the close-up shots of Jacob in wolf form were marvelous. Vampire effects haven't changed much since the first Twilight film(regarding make-up), but the speed effects are better. I really liked the Volturi fight scene between Felix and Edward. Bearing in mind, I've only seen Twilight once and not recently at that, so it's possible that my memory is a bit skewed. Also, the one tenet of Meyer's vampire mythos that I do find interesting is the idea that the vampires are made of a stone-like material; the crack that forms on Edward's cheek when he's injured was brilliant.

Acting: I didn't find the acting to be as horrible as I'd heard, but there were definitely some moments where the actors failed or the writing failed; when both failed, the results were quite comical. The strongest performances came from the secondary characters(Aro, Jane, some of the Cullens, Charlie Swan). Not really enough exposure to the werewolf pack for me to pass judgement, although I was overall pleased with Taylor Lautner as Jacob. I think the kid's got potential. Billy Burke is perfect as Charlie Swan and Dakota Fanning doesn't disappoint as Jane. For the Cullens, as briefly as they appear(Alice being the exception, barely), they do bring some much needed balance to the film. Everyone else is a cameo appearance, as far as I'm concerned. No real comment on Robert Pattinson. There's just...not enough to really comment on. He wasn't horrible, but he wasn't great. I guess by those standards, he's perfect for the role. Kristen Stewart is who I really had in mind when I mentioned uneven acting...she seems to be either really good or really bad.

Now, I must express my biases. From the books: My two favorite characters in the series are Jacob Black and Carlisle Cullen. Why Jacob Black? Well, for pretty much the same reasons that everyone else who's on Team Jacob does, but especially because vampires without fangs aren't really vampires to me. Sorry. Of course then, why is my other favorite character a vampire? Because he's the most un-vampiric vampire in the series and that fascinates me. I love the idea of a genuinely good, caring, heartfelt vampire and Edward, with his "blame me, emo" attitude, just doesn't cut it. Carlilse does. I mean, c'mon, a vampire doctor treating humans? How awesome is that? Oh, and for the record, I actually do like emo. Edward just sucks at it(and yes, I had to throw in one horribly lame vampire pun).

My other bias is from the film: Michael Sheen as Aro. For the same reason that I love Bill Nighy as Viktor in the "Underworld" series(and most everything else he's been in). They know how to act and they run with it(emphasis on the running) and you can just see how much fun they are having with these parts. It's infectious.

Biggest disappointment with the film: They omitted my favorite line. Now I have to write hundreds of angry letters to Chris Weitz and Summit Entertainment. (P.S. Where/How do I find an emoticon guide for DA??) No, for real...I believe the scene in the book is shortly after Bella finds that Alice has returned and they're sitting on the couch together talking things over and Bella basically glomps Alice and Alice is like "I need to hunt. Immediately." and Bella(finally) notices how dark her eyes are. Not being a fan of Bella and finding Alice to be more fun, I always thought it would be incredibly amusing for Alice to just kill Bella and go back to Edward and be like "Uh, yup. Bella's dead. Just like I foresaw." I'm grinning as I'm typing this just thinking about it. I know, I have a sick mind. But I love it.

Other thoughts...I do think "Eclipse" is going to be fun and I do plan on seeing it, especially since it was my favorite of the books. I wonder how they're going to handle all the inside talk with the pack, though. Oh, and shame on them for recasting Victoria! For the brief moments that she appears, I thought that Rachelle Lefevre did a fine job. As for "Breaking Dawn"...good luck with that. I honestly don't see any way to make that book into a film and have any bit of it be taken seriously. It won't even need the Mystery Science Theater treatment. Also, I was rather amazed at how many interviews I saw with the cast(for "New Moon"), specifically the members who had a a scene or two(or a line or two). It doesn't really seem fair to ask them about their experiences on a film that probably took a couple hours of their time to film. It's like interviewing me on what I had for breakfast...really, what is there to say?

And...with that, I'm going to call it good, since it's after 11 p.m. and I have to be up at 5 a.m. for work. Gah! Work is the reason my mood is "Bitter."

If you've read this far, I sincerely thank you...and apologize for any brain cells lost. They probably weren't useful anyway. No hate mail now, y'hear? G'night!

Oh, and please pardon for any typos, grammar errors or other inconstitencies. I'm sure I overused a comma, at least once.